


always, i'll care

by takunism (weareinnoir)



Series: late nights, early mornings [2]
Category: JO1 (Japan Band)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sick Character, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:01:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23355868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weareinnoir/pseuds/takunism
Summary: Sho gets sick. Ruki takes care of him.
Relationships: Shiroiwa Ruki/Yonashiro Sho
Series: late nights, early mornings [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1679806
Comments: 6
Kudos: 32





	always, i'll care

Of course, they hadn't asked Ruki. If they _had_ , Sho would've been resting in bed at his first sniffle. He's _been_ getting sick, and JO1's schedule — as packed as ever — hasn't done him any favors; having to use his voice so often, waking up earlier than everyone else, getting dragged to whatever random place the management has needed him in, the fact that Sho won't raise his voice to complain even if it's for his own benefit — all of that and _whatever_ else adding up — all of that must've served to exacerbate things further.

Maybe he should've spoken up sooner — but, no, it's _Sho_. Even if Ruki had said something, to the management or to Sho himself, their _fearless leader_ would've just insisted that he was fine. And now he's slumped down in a crouch, smack-dab in the middle of the practice room, sweat dripping down his face, breath coming out in short pants. His cap is pulled low over his eyes — it has been for the duration of the practice — but Ruki's sure, without even looking, that they're clenched shut.

It's a strange, silent moment, as Junki goes to cut the music, and as nobody dares say a word, but Ruki's the first to crouch down, meeting Sho's eyes — and, yep, they're closed tight. He looks two shades too pale and flushed all at once, and his bangs are sticking to his forehead, which should be sign enough, but still, Ruki presses a gentle hand to Sho's forehead. He leans into Ruki's touch with a shiver, and Ruki withdraws it, ignoring the way his heart skips a beat at the contact.

Ruki stands up and shakes his head, turning to Ren. "I think that's enough practice for today," Ruki says, and no, it's not remotely his call, but he has to at least _try_ to get Sho back to the dorm before things get even worse.

Luckily, Ren nods — "I'll grab a manager. I think we all could use a rest," he agrees, and Ruki mouths a silent _thank you_ in his general direction.

He crouches back down to Sho, and resists the urge to put a hand on his cheek. "Do you think you can stand up," Ruki whispers, "Or should I get Junki and Keigo?"

Sho shakes his head — "I'm fine," he breathes, with a voice so weak that Ruki's heart shatters. "I can probably stand."

 _Probably._ Ruki swallows, but nods, and he lets Sho pick himself up. "Let's head back," Ruki says quietly, cursing the obvious worry in his voice. Sho doesn't seem to pick up on it, though; he nods, never opening his eyes, and resting a clammy hand on Ruki's shoulder.

Something burns in Ruki's stomach — _anger_ , he realizes faintly, at the circumstances that let Sho's condition get _this_ bad, and just a little, at his own inaction. But he shakes his head and guides Sho out of the practice room; he doesn't have _time_ , right now, to let his same old self-hatred flare up. There's something — some _one_ — more important than that to focus on.

* * *

"You don't need to keep vigil like this, you know," Ren says, startling Ruki out of some unimportant daydream. Sho's asleep — still in his practice clothes and still sweating bullets, but asleep, thank god, with a washcloth on his forehead; Ruki's been posted up on a chair at his bedside, and has been since the group's return to the dorm. It's been... it's been long enough that Ruki's plugged his phone into Sho's outlet, and he's idly drumming his fingers against his face, totally spaced out. "I can take over," Ren continues. "Or Junki, or Takumi, or..."

Ruki shakes his head. "I'm the only one who can stay up to make sure he's okay," he half-jokes, though he's strangely grateful for his own insomnia, for once. "Don't worry about it."

"If you and Sho _both_ get sick —"

"I won't," Ruki assures Ren, forcing a smile. "It's fine. I'll be fine, I'm always fine."

"Sounds like something he would say," Ren says. "There's probably no moving you, then?"

Ruki shakes his head. It's not like Sho being sick is his _fault_ , per se, but he still feels a strange sense of obligation — it doesn't _have_ to be him, but it just feels _right._ (Or, maybe, just a little, like he doesn't want anyone else taking care of Sho. It's an entirely selfish thought that Ruki squashes immediately — what right does he have to feel that way?) He turns his gaze back to Sho — back to that sleeping face, more peaceful than Ruki's seen him in a long time — and shakes his head. "I'll let you know when I want to swap," Ruki says, very quietly. _But I don't think that I'll be going anywhere any time soon_ , he thinks.

Ren seems to pick up on that — "Let me know," he says, after a moment. "And don't forget to come out for dinner. Syoya's making okayu, so you can bring Sho some too."

Ruki nods, but he doesn't take his eyes off of Sho. It'll be better if he gets some fluids in him, probably... he's gotta stay hydrated, especially if he's sweating this much. "And something with electrolytes," Ruki mutters. "Do we have any sports drinks in the fridge? Pocari or something?"

"Probably? I can pick some —"

"No, I'll check. We probably need more cold medicine, anyway," Ruki adds, standing up and unplugging his phone. "Can you watch him for a while? I'm gonna run to the convenience store."

"What? It's getting dark out. I can go —"

"I told you I'd let you know when I want to swap, didn't I?" Ruki says, well aware that it's kind of a bitchy, petulant thing to say. "That's now. I'll be back soon."

Ren sighs. "Good _lord_ , you two are alike..." he mumbles, shaking his head. "I'll stay here for now. Hurry back."

Ruki nods. "I'll make this quick." He shoves his phone in his pocket and nearly jogs out of Sho's room.

* * *

Sho's still asleep when Ruki returns, a bowl of Syoya's okayu in one hand and a shopping bag full of Pocari Sweat, cough drops, and cold medicine in the other, though Ren's changed his washcloth; "I've got it from here," Ruki says, vaguely relieved.

"I'm sure you do," Ren says, closing his DS and giving Ruki a pat on the shoulder as he leaves Sho's room.

Ruki takes his seat next to Sho's bed, putting the bowl on the bedside table. "Sho," he says, gently, "Wake up."

Sho doesn't stir. "Wake up," Ruki tries, a little louder, gently shaking Sho's (warm — good _lord_ , his fever's bad) shoulder.

Still nothing. God, Sho's even stubborn in his _sleep._ Ruki leans in closer — funny, he notes, all of a sudden he feels his heart pounding in his chest — and whispers into Sho's ear, "Sho-chan, I have dinner. Wake up."

Sho's eyes flutter open at that; Ruki jumps back immediately, but he also smiles, just a little. "Ruki?" Sho croaks, as soon as his eyes focus. "What's...?"

"Yeah, it's me," Ruki says, forcing himself to sound casual. "Be quiet, you need to rest your voice."

Sho opens his mouth to respond, but then he closes it — good, Ruki thinks, he's still lucid enough to _listen_ , even if he's burning up and obviously still in a lot of pain. "Can you sit up for me?" Ruki continues. "You need to eat something, and we need to get some fluid in you."

Sho nods, and with some effort, he sits up, propped up by pillows.

"Good," Ruki murmurs. He takes the bowl of okayu off of Sho's table and stirs it, before holding the spoon up to Sho's lips — "Open up," he says, trying to sound authoritative.

Sho's normally stubborn — stubbornly selfless, at least, as Ruki's more than noticed — but clearly, he's sick enough that he complies instantly. "That must feel nice," Ruki says, quietly; Sho nods, and Ruki smiles again.

He keeps talking, as he slowly feeds the porridge to Sho — he doesn't like the silence, frankly, and it's not like he's going to let Sho speak. It isn't about anything in particular — Syoya's cooking, the clerk at the convenience store, who's going to confess first, Ren to Takumi or Keigo to Junki — but it passes the time, and soon enough, Sho's finished the entire bowl. "Feeling better? Nod or shake your head," Ruki says.

Sho nods, and a wave of relief washes over Ruki. "Electrolytes next, then," Ruki says, opening one of the bottles and handing it to Sho. "Drink up."

Sho does so — most of it in one fell swoop — and then frowns. "Have you —"

"No talking," scolds Ruki, crossing his arms.

Sho sighs — even _that_ sounds rough, god, he must really be hurting — and grabs his phone, quickly typing out a note. _Have you eaten dinner yet?_

Ruki reads the note and frowns — even in the haze of fever, he's _still_ managing to be concerned about _Ruki_ , and it's charming and irritating in equal measure. "Sho, you're the one who's sick. If you worry about me, you're just going to make yourself feel worse."

Sho takes his phone back and bites his lip, quickly typing out another note. _That's not an answer to my question._

It's not. Ruki sighs. "If it was me sick — if it was _any_ of us, Sho, you'd be where I was, right?"

Sho nods.

"And you _absolutely_ would be last to grab your serving of dinner. Don't even try to deny it, because —"

 _Because I'd do the same,_ Ruki realizes, cutting himself off abruptly. He knows, by now, all the little ways he's similar to Sho, and _huh_ — maybe this is one of them. But it isn't _just_ their similarities that makes Ruki want to care for Sho so _intensely_ —

It's because, well, he _cares_ for Sho. A lot, and as more than coworkers — maybe even as more than _friends_. And every bone in his body is screaming for him to back out, to protect his heart and keep his walls up — that's what's kept him safe up until now. It all dumps on him at once — that must be why he notices all those little things, why it's Sho's room he goes to when he doesn't want to drink alone, why he always ends up in Sho's bed without wanting to ever, _ever_ leave... why his heart _always_ starts pounding at all those moments when they're close together...

It's a tap from a clammy hand on his that snaps Ruki out of his realization; Sho's holding up his phone, with another note. _Because?_

Ruki inhales sharply and shakes his head. "Because you're the leader," he says, lamely. He knows it's lame, too, and maybe offensive, but he can't let Sho know how he actually feels — not now that he _knows_ how he actually feels. (Then again, Sho's perceptive, too — that thought sends a shiver down Ruki's spine.) "Just for this once, Sho, let me take care of you."

Sho bites his lip, but nods. _Alright. You get yourself some dinner and come back, okay?_

"I suppose I can compromise. Here," Ruki adds, tossing the bag of cough drops into Sho's hands and standing up. "Sugar free, since you don't really like sweets."

 _Thank you,_ Sho mouths. He looks surprised that Ruki had even noticed.

Ruki nods, and leaves the room. There's a chance that it's just his empty stomach creating the _illusion_ of feelings, maybe, and though he knows all too well that that isn't true, it's at least a comforting lie.

* * *

A few hours later — long after light's out, when even the sound of Ren playing video games has died down — Ruki hasn't _properly_ fallen asleep yet. He's still at Sho's bedside, now in the dark, and he's dozing off and on. Luckily, he's very much _on_ when Sho starts thrashing against his covers.

"Sho," Ruki says, quietly, once he knows what's going on — "Sho, wake up, it's just a dream," he says, a little bit louder. Lord knows Ruki's tired himself, but god, Sho's not _himself_ like this. He reaches out to grab one of Sho's hands, in an attempt to snap him out of it, to wake him _up_ , but instead, Sho just intertwines their fingers _tightly_ — there's that grip strength, Ruki supposes.

"Don't go," whimpers Sho, and suddenly, Ruki's not trying to resist it anymore anymore.

 _Don't go?_ Hearing that come out of Sho's mouth, even though it's choked and scared, makes Ruki gasp, and he's thankful that the other isn't awake to hear it. He's _never_ heard Sho be this vulnerable. "Ruki, please don't go," Sho manages, again, and the blood in Ruki's body all goes cold.

He swallows. He doesn't want to allow himself this — it's just a fever dream, Ruki wants to tell himself, it's not right for him to feel anything but... but whatever you're supposed to feel when someone calls your name in an illness-induced nightmare — but god, he needs to comfort Sho _somehow_. It's a little bit awkward, but soon, he's kneeling by Sho's pillows, their faces inches apart.

He squeezes Sho's hand and whispers, "I'm not going anywhere. Not now, or ever." His free hand goes to stroke Sho's hair, and that seems to calm him down some; it takes about fifteen minutes for the nightmare to end, but soon enough, Sho's sleeping soundly once more. (His grip on Ruki's hand relaxes, too, but this time, it's that doesn't Ruki doesn't let go.)

* * *

"Ruki? You're still in here?"

Ren's clearly surprised, and Ruki sleepily turns to greet him. (He got... two hours of sleep, cumulatively, maybe.) "I never left... is it time to wake up?"

"Junki's on breakfast, but we've got a few hours until we have to leave. How's Sho doing?"

"I'll wake him up," Ruki says — again, a non-answer. Now that he's noticed that he's doing those, he can't _stop_ noticing. "His fever is definitely gone," he adds, as some kind of consolation.

"Good," Ren says, a little bit awkwardly. "I'll, uh, leave you to it." He closes the door behind him — Ruki's not sure _that's_ necessary, but he appreciates the gesture anyway.

"Sho-chan —" (the nickname had worked before, and Ruki kind of likes how it sounds on his tongue) "— it's time to wake up." He squeezes Sho's hand — they're still intertwined, _god_ — and shakes it a little.

"Mmph," Sho says — Ruki _knows_ Sho's morning voice, and it still sounds strained. "Ruki..."

"I can tell the manager if you're not up to practicing today," Ruki continues — he doesn't need to be this close, and he certainly doesn't need to still be keeping his voice quiet, but he also doesn't really want to move. "I personally think you should rest for another day, but knowing you..."

"Knowing me?" Sho jokes, faintly, rubbing his eyes. "Do I still have a fever?"

"I doubt it, but —"

"I just won't sing," Sho decides, sitting up a little. "Or talk much. I'll be okay."

"Yeah, that's not gonna fly. I'll let the manager know you need to rest some more —"

"I don't want to hold anyone back anymore," croaks Sho. "I don't want to be the reason you can't sleep, or why we have to stop practice..."

...Oh. That's a note of _guilt_ in Sho's voice — one Ruki understands, but won't allow. "If it was me — if it was _any_ of us — would you think of getting sick as holding us back?"

Sho's silent, so Ruki just continues; he's a little bit sleepier than usual, so maybe that's why he'll let himself be a little more honest than usual, too. "Maybe I'm frustrated that you let everything pile up on you so much. Maybe I wish you'd complain if you were hurt. But you're not holding us back. You're one of the most stubborn people I've ever met, and I would know, since I'm the same way. But _please_ , Sho, be a bit kinder to yourself. I'm here for you. We _all_ are."

Sho buries his head into his pillow. " _Ruki._ "

Ruki can feel his cheeks heating up — god, that was a lot of emotion that he just poured out into the world, wasn't it? "I — I'm gonna go get the manager —"

"If I wasn't still sick," Sho mutters, though it's muffled by his pillow, "I would kiss you so hard."

Ruki laughs. It's an incredibly forced laugh, but a laugh nonetheless. "You _are_ still sick," he decides, standing up and walking towards the door. "I'll be right back."

"Wait. One more thing." Sho grunts a little as he gets up, and Ruki turns, curiously.

"Since when do you call me Sho-chan?"

**Author's Note:**

> title from jeremy zucker's "always i'll care". i don't have a note other than "i don't like this"


End file.
